If you look around and your friends take advantage, your family takes you for granted, and your job is in Hell’s waiting room, the common denominator here is you.
There is a way out if you’re willing to change.
- Put yourself in at least the top five of your priority list. If you’re not important to you, no one else has to take you seriously either. You’re probably worried that some people will say you’re self-centered and selfish if you don’t kill yourself trying to make everyone else happy. The kind of people you DON’T want in your life will tell you horrible things so they can continue to take advantage of you. Take that as a good sign you’re moving in the right direction. Write down a to do list. Ask yourself how many of the items on that list help you and only you. Make sure there are at least two items, each day, that are all about you. Do this daily and consider it a multi-vitamin for mental health.
- Take time for you each day where you turn off your electronics and don’t let anyone bug you. We have an incessant world where every second is bombarded with needs and wants. Turn it off. Take a walk. Sit in the sunshine. Call it prayer, meditation, anything that reminds you to listen and find some calm.
- Say the word No a lot more often. You will never have space in your day if you say yes all the time. Crazy people love to hear yes. They will bug you till you crack, & scream about how you don’t love them when you say no. Then they’ll shower you with praise and promises they won’t keep the second you say yes. Which is how they’ve trained you to say yes, all the time, or else. Take your life back from this madness. Say no. Say it often. Practice saying it with confidence and a smile. The people who don’t like to hear this word will eventually go away if you keep saying it. No is like scrubbing bubbles for your mental bath tub. People that are calm and mature can hear no and stick around. Immature narcissists will have a breakdown when they figure out you mean it. This is great! Say no and watch the crazy people run!
- Stop complaining. No one wants to hear it except the predators looking for their next powerless target. This is like putting blood in the water every time you do it. Predators look for people who feel powerless and have little to no concept of responsibility for their own future. When you announce to the whole world that you hate your job, have no plan to change that, and you will never get what you want; the people that could actually help you are backing away. Your next ex-spouse is circling closer, posing as the rescue ranger you’ve always dreamed of.
- Stop blaming. Sure it’s someone else’s fault. Now what? Are you really expecting the person that hurt you to come back and make it right? Yes absolutely, they should. But they won’t. Ever. Once again, you are signaling powerless and helpless to the very people you don’t want in your life. Accept that you were hurt, life is not just, and you will have to do the repair work whether or not it’s fair. Anything less and you are a wounded fish waiting for that shark with the big teeth to come find you.
- Stop waiting. You’ll start eating vegetables next week. You’ll walk during lunch if someone will come with you. You’ll plan that vacation you’ve dreamed about your whole life…..after all that other stuff. You think waiting is smart and proves you’ve overcome your need for instant gratification. No. Waiting is just you letting your fear of change turn your life into the longest line at a government office. If you are moving towards the things you want in your life, you will attract other people doing the same. Other movers actually help and encourage you. Waiting for a rescue sends out a signal that you are alone, helpless, and a sitting target in the water. And we know the kind of person that attracts. Start playing the Jaws theme, here comes the teeth.
Photo by leasqueaky from flickr.com