Help! My Spouse is Absolutely Oblivious to My Concerns!

Does your partner, someone at the workplace, a family member exhibit these traits? They may fit into the classification that I call ‘The great ape’ Subscribe for more information about dealing with these oblivious, self-centered people.

  • “What’s your problem? It felt good for me.”
  • There are holes in their conscience.  This person will be horrified when their wallet gets stolen even though you saw them take money from the communion plate last week.  The great ape type knows the rules and wants other people to follow them.  They will talk all about following the rules themselves and then be mad at you for noticing they don’t!
  • “Do whatever you need to get what you want.”
  • You’re about to go bankrupt, a fire gutted the kitchen last night, you ask your spouse to sit down and talk about the money situation and they say, “Why worry about tomorrow?  Can’t we ever have any fun together?”
  • This person sees themselves as the hero of the story.  Everyone else is out to get the hero.  If you go along with them, they are all charm.  Disagree, and you too will be one of the zombies the hero has to shoot their way through!
  • This person commits the same act in different ways thinking you won’t ever catch them.
  • Mistakes are opportunities to blame someone else and proclaim their own victim status.
  • “People lie about me all the time and they get me in trouble.”
  • “I didn’t steal from anybody that couldn’t see me coming.”
  • The rules are for other people and this person will take it as a personal insult if you try to apply them to everyone.

 

What’s going on? Is my ______ paranoid? Ack, what IS this?

paranoid jay

Some tell tale signs of a paranoid person. Identification will help you be more objective and not take their issues so personally.

  • There is no such thing as constructive criticism. Any change you ask for will be met with rage and counter-attacks.
  • Still mad at the kid in 5th grade that made that one comment about their weight, their nose, their whatever! Still mad at every person they can remember that ever said anything to them.
  • Grudge holding is a badge of honor.
  • Forgiveness is not this person’s strong point. It’s usually not even a weak point they’re working on.
  • They’ll tell you a story about work and expect you to see the same negative attacks and threats. Only you don’t. You never see what this person is so upset about from interactions that sound so normal.
  • Wants to appear cold, emotionless, analytical and very in control.

How do I find “Me” if I’ve been in an abusive or one sided relationship?

Chart your own path

Question: I was raised by parents who didn’t treat me as an individual, but more saw their children as an inconvenience to be dealt with for 18 years. No surprise, all my romantic relationships so far have been with extremely self centered men. How do I find ‘me’ again after a lifetime of being told I wasn’t important? How do I break out of this trap?

Answer: You deserve the life you will take responsibility for. That means you can have anything you’re willing to plan for, take risks for, and know you are good enough for.

You need to have a dream. This will take some time and you probably don’t have time to sit down for 30 minutes and think about yourself. Ok, take 5. Take the minute you get in the bathroom, the hopefully longer than 5 minutes you get in the shower. It is ok for you to spend some time thinking and planning for what YOU want.

If this seems sinful, foreign, selfish or just plain wrong, what would you want for your daughter, or your best friend? If you would give them the time to dream for themselves, then you can give it to yourself. You are, after all, the best hope they’ve got of learning to do this.

How To Deal With Crazy People

 

How To Deal With Crazy People is a site that has answers to deal with the 10% of the population that is difficult to deal with.  These so-called ‘crazy people’ can monopolize your time, be an emotional drain, and add buckets of stress to your life.

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When you are able to have a basic understanding of how difficult people think, you can respond without being caught up in their game, feeding their insatiable need for your attention, or going through your own life like a zombie.

You’ll also learn how to make your own life more crazy-proof. There will be tips on scheduling, motivation, letting go of the anger, everything you need to build yourself into a crazy denying machine!

As you develop the skills to keep your own calm, realize what people are trying to do and say no to a WHOLE lot more of that, you will be amazed at the calm that takes over.  You do not have to be in bondage anymore.  Think I’m exaggerating?  What do you call it when your phone rings and you cringe, you see a car driving by and worry about it being that one particular person, you plan your day around who you’re avoiding, or who you’d like to avoid?

It is a sad fact that you might be losing part of your life to anxiety and fear over difficult people in your; workplace, church, community, and even your home. Some of the most difficult people to deal with will be your family.  No one can get to you quite like they can.

This site will deal with the specific situations and give you a chance to ask questions.  You will benefit from my experience as a therapist helping clients take back their lives and other readers giving their own stories.  Knowledge is power.  Let’s power up and get you back in charge of your life.